Saskfarmer3 ?

[ASRG]

Whenever we face a setback in our "game plan" it is a traumatic experience, whether it be relationships or career paths.
The trick is to learn from the experience, adjust to the new reality and move forward.
Divorce is little different than a death of someone you cared for (death of a relationship). You have to go through the grieving process and if you do it properly you come out a much wiser person....and much more contented.
If you can find a good program like "Divorce Care" I would suggest you attend? Many churches offer it and while it does have a religious slant, the really important thing you will get out of it is meeting and talking to others who are going through the same thing as you.
I speak from experience....been there, done that.
Don't "self medicate" or look for a quick new relationship fix. It doesn't work.

[wd9]

Hopper, with your permission, on this
thread, can we talk about divorce? I have
gone thru that too.

[blackpowder]

Aw heck, stress is normal- how we deal with it is the key life. Having said that I guess I'm not very good at it.
This winter realized most all my dreams gone. As soon as I said that to my self I kicked my own ass and made new ones. I still got it pretty good.
My case may be unique in that all the 'death' analogies don't apply.
Sadly good counselling is like hens teeth and carries a stigma. 4 out of 5 are screwballs.
If the story might be helpful ask for e-mail.
If you have kids your 'married' to her for life. So very difficult to avoid the unhealthy behaviour.
Not much you can legally do about the assets except watch her cash dwindle and your assets appreciate.
It seems there is less you can do to help your children adjust in a healthy way. As the father I feel like your hands are tied and you're always eating shit. Just try and get certain help for your kids and see how far you get! Can't say more on that one right now. You MUST always take the high road. And think through everything you say.
Other than that nothing has changed. I write all the checks, babysit on demand and agree with everything. For now. However in my case it is cheaper this way. already said too much

[SASKFARMER3]

Guys the only way I can relate to you
guys is that I did a long time ago date
a friend of mines X wife for a while.
Didnt work out well. Lost two friends in
that deal. My wife was married for two
years back about 25 years ago. So Im out
on the conversation. I also see what my
friend and also a neighbor is going
through, Not good and the Kids end up
having issues. Take care.

[furrowtickler]

Life is what you make of it, we are done and started spraying in crop and neighbors still scrambling to get done and fighting with family members. Some things are self explanitory.
BTW we farm more than some not finished, as do many others.
But then again we started too early. too cold, too whatever... It's not how much you farm it is what you farm efficiently. That lends itself to family issues or not at the end of the day. JMO
But we only farm 42 1/4's, so small nuts in todays penut butter. And no signs of supermanitiss so far. We know what we can handle, good weather or bad and do not chase dirt - ever. Not saying anyone that to where it is super wet but localy it is sad to watch........ There is a reason for everything.

[wd9]

My ex's lawyer specializes in clients
that were stay at home, didn't work farm
wives with an appetite to cause hurt.
Settlement wasn't the issue, no number
was right, it was about causing pain. In
the end, the kids got wise to it and
there is little to no respect for her.

the man has all the cards stacked
against him. In my case, issues of child
abuse by the mom were very frustrating.
In the words of my lawyer, she will get
away with it.

Divorce is worth than death, death is
final and the outcome quickly
determined. Divorice is about hurt and
ugly.

Even more disturbing, farm wives see the
big farm, and just want their share of
the money - and they get it. This is a
trend that is rising at an alarming
rate. Nothing to lose, only to win a
payout. Leaves the farm broken in the
end. And yes, there are now lawyers that
specialize in just these kinds of
clients only.

[parsley]

The courts and judges and child services
systems are not only stacked against men, but
the prejudice and the open hostility towards
fathers and men is nourished by most of these
services. It has to stop. Fathers are equally as
important in the lives of children as are mothers.
As well, there should be planning models to
prevent a spouse from waltzing in, staying
married for a year, and walking of with half the
spoils of several generations of work. It is
unconscionable. Pars.

[blackpowder]

Not complaining, just communicating.
The law sees things in terms of "equal". Fair is only a concept and not tangible. (prove and valuate contribution)
What to legislate? How I hate that word! Perhaps a limit on the lawyers. Lawyers are people too. Susceptible to greed and conflict.
Maybe a few 'strings' on child support so it goes to the proper expense. (OH MY BUT THATS NOT FAIR!)
If the pendulum has swung too far in attitudes towards men it is our own fault.
Example: All of the most popular sitcoms of the past 30 years and a lot of the TV dramas in the last 15 portray men as idiots, or shallow fools.
We saw 4 'counselors' that were products of a generation of warped "me" university training. I could share storys that would have you shaking with mirth or rage. I can tell you that as the husband the 'issues' MUST have been with me or my parents! At the end none were qualified to diagnose the problem. Any damn fool can hang a shingle, and the government hires the cheapest one so they are 'free' to us. Would you hire a free carpenter??
My only real solution rests with the raising of emotionally and psycologically healthy and balanced children with a firm grounding in social skills and a culture of common sense.
Develop in a way as not to make poor life choices. Be confident, self aware, and empathetic.
That man or woman would not be sick and they would recognize it when they saw it.
Finally train them in 'fair'.
When problems arise they would own their feelings and responsibilitys. Not letting some lawyer (or health 'professional') lead them. And maybe there would be more prenups. They would be better in business as well.
Parents are human as well and I doubt I will succeed on all fronts. Hopefully there is not too much 'conditioning' going on at home with mom.
When I look I see a lot of young people getting married today with all these qualitys because they were raised with them. Maybe thats the only way it can change?

[wd9]

It seems you and i blackpowder have
travelled much the same road.

I think it comes down to requirement
today to be able to take care of
yourself and provide for yourself. The
breakup of marriage has become thought
of as a lifetime pension. Although
recent rulings have challenged a bit of
that, the supreme court still sees
marriage as married for life.

Yes there are 'disadvantaged' by the
marriage, but often its 'whatever i can
get for as long as i can get it'.

I deeply feel for the people who resort
to extreme actions out of sheer
frustration and eventually outright
rage. It is beyond agony, especially if
you are the one who did nothing wrong
and were the 'provider' all along.

[blackpowder]

Oh she's only getting half the net worth and no more. Regardless of contribution. thats the law. In the end it's what she does with it that matters. I'll still have to do all the providing.
What I would like input on is how to go about getting a child agreement that allows me to get help for the kids without her consent, which will never be given. She will never agree to an assessment herself, and based on experience a lot of shrinks aren't experienced enuf to see the truth.
I'm not asking for help to "fix" the kids. Only tools for myself and the children, so they are not affected by certain behaviour and learn healthy thought processes.
Is there a lawyer with both a heart and experience in these matters??

JOKE OF THE DAY

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men
along the road-side eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop to
investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat
grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the
lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there,
under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied. Turning to the other
poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a
wife and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered. They all entered the car,
which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.

Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,
"Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass
is almost a foot high."

Come on now...you really didn't think there was such a thing as a
heartwarming lawyer story...did you???